Getting Rid of My Nightmares
by divalicious2
Summary: No seriously. I keep having nightmares about what happened to Charlotte. And you know what they say to do about nightmares. So, I'm doing this hoping that it might stop them. Feel free to review, more on the way.
1. Chapter 1

_I know you're not supposed to do this. But I need to, so I am. Watching this happen to Charlotte was like watching it happen to my best friend. And I would be there for my best friend. Cuz I know how it is. So, I had to write this. That episode still gives me nightmares. So I figure if I create a 'reality' where I can actually help Charlotte, maybe I'll feel better. Maybe you will too._

"Move."

"I beg your pardon?" Pete stared at the woman moving to open the door to the room Charlotte King was in.

"Move. Get out of my way."

"Who are you?"

"Friend of Charlotte's, now move aside. She called me."

"I'm sorry, I can't-"

"Do you really wanna upset her more?"

"She looks really-"

"Doesn't matter," Sara showed him a piece of paper. Pete took it, read it in amazement, then moved aside. The paper was signed by Cooper.

Opening the suite door, she saw Addison Montgomery's back and Charlotte's legs bent up under a sheet.

With a gasp of horror she jumped in the room, blocking the door and shutting it behind her. Blocking Charlotte's compromised position from view of anyone who might be looking through the crack space of door she's squeezed herself through.

Charlotte had been terrified and clamped her legs shut at the sound of the door. To her credit Addison rose to shield her- but not before Charlotte saw the look on her best friend's face.

Horror and rage. And, as she stood there at the door, facing them now, her chest was heaving visibly. But she looked at Charlotte in a completely different way than Addison had. Sara looked at her in pained misery, anguish. Entirely different than pity. And right then Charlotte was sure she'd figured out something about her friend she hadn't known before. And was doubly glad she'd called her- after calling Addison.

"I'm sorry," Addison stepped forward quickly. "You can't be in here."

The woman looked at her as if she'd just grown a second head. She said nothing however, simply made her way to the bathroom, vomited, then walked back into the suite.

Charlotte gave her friend a half smile. "Glad to see you too. Remind me to puke with joy when I see you at the next Christmas party."

"Woulda been here sooner," she replied, "but traffic was a bitch."

"When is it not?"

Sara made a face and walked over to Charlotte.

"Which way can you scoot? Left or right?"

Before Charlotte could object Sara added with a tone of absolute authority and the belief she'd be obeyed, "Cuz I'm hoppin' in bed with you like a lesbian," she clarified.

Addison laughed before she could stop herself.

Too dazed to object, but with the forethought to consider her only working hand, Charlotte moved to her left, noticing that Addison moved with her, keeping the drape in place over her knees.

Giving a curt nod of approval, she gingerly laid next to her in the bed, grasping Charlotte's free hand.

"And who is this?" Addison asked, having realized this was someone that Charlotte knew well and trusted, or she'd have gotten the woman out of the room herself.

Frankly, Addison was grateful for a break in the tension, and that Charlotte did not have to be alone in what would be a very painful pelvic exam. "What's your name?" She asked the woman.

The stranger cut her eyes at her. "That's none of your business. Your business is to take care of Charlotte," she shot out.

The tone wasn't unkind, or not entirely so. It was protective. But the way she'd said it, told Addison this woman, whoever she was, was used to giving orders. And she knew immediately that these women could then not only be friends, but likely were best friends.

I didn't know Charlotte had any friends, she mused. Then felt horrible for thinking that. In her current comprimised state, Charlotte definitely needed a friend. And while Charlotte respected her, they were not friends. She could not lean on her, confide in her the way that she would need.

Charlotte King sighed and gave a disapproving glare.

"This is Sara," she answered. "My friend."

Addison looked at the other woman, Sara, again. Lying prone next to Charlotte, her muscles were sticking up with tension. Addison knew this Sara was ready to kill over what had been done to Charlotte and would have no problem hurting her if she hurt Charlotte.

So she looked at Sara when she said, "I need to perform the pelvic now Charlotte. Just quickly to assess, then that will be it."

Charlotte felt Sara's hand tighten immediately, and she knew what she was hoping wouldn't be true was true- this would be really, really painful. And that Sara knew this, because at some point she'd been through this herself.

She sucked in a breath through gritted teeth, trying not to pass out, and nodded so Addison knew she could begin.

Charlotte could feel Sara's chest heaving next to hers, and though she couldn't see her clearly, due to her being on the side of her now bad eye, she knew her friend was trying just as hard as she was to not cry.

Realizing there was something that needed saying, Sara frantically wracked her brain for this doctor's name. This could only be the woman Charlotte spoke most about. Though she bitched about her, she wouldn't have someone around she didn't trust, especially for this.

What the hell is her name? She thought fast. She knew it was a weird name, and had something to do with math. Algebra? Division? Subtraction-a ha! Addition!

"Addison!" Charlotte's bitchy friend called out her name so urgently and sharply, Addison looked up, surprised she knew her name.

She watched Sara take a deep breath in through her nose to steady herself.

"You just stay down there," she nodded to the drape. "You do not look up at any time. We're not even here. You're not even here, you got that?"

That was definitely an odd request- order. But Addison had to assume that Sara knew Charlotte better than she did, and was saying this for a reason.

"Sure," she smiled.

Sara nodded, as if giving her permission to begin.

Addison laughed to herself. These two were like peas in a pod.

She lay back next to Charlotte, who she noticed had her eyes closed. Seeing Charlotte's injuries up close made her want to puke again, so she looked away and fought the urge.

When Charlotte heard Sara breathing through her mouth, she wondered why. When she felt Sara's other hand on her belly she was shocked. They were friends because they understood each other and respected boundaries. And Sara was not the touchy-feely type.

"Just breathe," she whispered to her, "slow through your mouth. Try to stay as relaxed as possible, and keep your belly relaxed."

Cooper had been touching the same spot the day before.

"Breathe," she repeated, and Charlotte noted, she continued to emulate what she wanted. What the hell, she must know what she was talking about, so she followed along.

"Stay open," she continued.

Charlotte realized she meant her vagina.

"And let her do this. Try not to fight."

"Okay, Charlotte," she heard Addison's voice and it sounded very far away. But Charlotte knew that was probably just her own shock. "I'm just going to put a finger in and check for-"

"You don't talk."

Without looking up, as ordered, she knew this was Sara speaking. Ordering again.

"Just do it and get it done with. She doesn't need to know what you're doing. It's not like she doesn't know already. She's not an idiot. I get that you're helping her, and I'm grateful, but I'm telling you, don't speak. You're not here."

"Okay..." Addison whispered. Hearing no disagreement from Charlotte, she realized that this was Charlotte's wish as well.

"It's just you and me here, okay?" Sara's voice was in her ear. Strong, reasurring and confident. "Just us. Me and you. I'm here for you. Not going anywhere."

Charlotte closed her eyes, faint with fear and nodded.

When Addison began, Charlotte cried out. She couldn't help it. She hadn't known the pain would be so bad.

Then she grit her teeth, and noticed that while Sara hadn't moved in her positioning, one hand on her belly, the other grabbing her hand as tightly as she, Sara was shaking hard. Her entire body.

She whimpered in pained sympathy, finally moving a hand, to place an arm over her chest, as Charlotte keened in pain, her teeth chattering.

Charlotte felt like she couldn't breathe, like she was dying. Like Addison had molten lava inside her instead of a speculum, and was trying to yank the tissue of her vagina out of her body with a blunt knife instead of assessing the damage.

As if hearing her thoughts, Sara rolled onto her side, while still managing to hold Charlotte's right hand with her left, a choice that could not have been comfortable. She turned Charlotte'd face to her chest, to help muffle her cries.

"Holy God," Charlotte gasped, certain she's arrest from the pain. "Oh my god," she moaned.

Sara was stroking her head gently. "it'll be over soon," she whispered, her voice quavering. "She's trying to help," she insisted. "She is helping. She'll helping you."

"Charlotte I'm sorry," Addison spoke up, truly, truly sorry, and could feel Sara's eyes cutting daggers at her as she dared to speak. "I have to open the speculum now."

Charlotte gave a cry of disbelief and anguish. Addison winced in sympathy, realizing then that this was so painful, Charlotte had assumed she's already begun or finished opening the speculum.

I'm so sorry," she repeated. "I'll try to be as quick as possible, as gentle as possible,"

She could hear Charlotte crying lightly, as though she were trying to fight the tears back.

"Just do it," Sara's voice was now a hollow, choked sound.

"Okay here we go," Addison muttered, "Just take a deep breath."

Unable to take it, and shaking as hard as Sara, she broke then and sobbed from the pain. Wanting to beg, wanting to scream to Addison to stop.

"It'll be over," Sara whispered frantically in her ear. "I love you, I'd do this for you a million times if I could. I hate this. I love you and I hate seeing this," she insisted, her words fast and breathy. "And I'm not a lesbian."

Were she not ready to die with pain, Charlotte might have laughed. Sara was the same age as she, but she acted about, 20 years younger at times.

"Going to open it the rest of the way, and we'll be done."

Charlotte closed her eyes tighter, praying for death.

Moving like lightning, Sara pried Charlotte's hand from hers and placed it on her thigh instead,indicating a new squeeze point, as she cradled the other arm under Charlotte's shoulder, holding her firmly. And with eyes closed, Charlotte felt Sara press the fleshy part of her forearm to her mouth.

For a moment she thought it was to help her muffle her pain.

"Bite," was Sara's one word order.

Charlotte's eyes opened then, considering Sara insane. But when she felt the speculum move, she couldn't control it. She opened her mouth to scream, not caring who heard. Sara pushed her arm in, and without another thought, Charlotte then did as told. She bit down hard, still screaming.

Almost immediately she could taste blood, but Sara didn't flinch. She kept her arm firmly placed against Charlotte's mouth, so she couldn't move it if she tried.

Even with her screams and the blinding pain, she could feel Sara shaking as hard as she was, and hear her crying, not from her own pain, but due to the inability to stop Charlotte's.

"It'll be over now," she whispered in her ear.

Charlotte could feel her nodding in permission and approval as she had to bite down harder. She couldn't help it. This shit hurt.

Addison had to work to keep the tears from her eyes. She'd done these kinds of exams before, but hearing Charlotte scream like that? Muffled as it was, though she didn't know why, Charlotte's screams sounded like a woman giving birth.

"Good girl," Sara cooed, "Good 'll be over. It'll stop. I promise. And you'll be okay. And I won't let that bitch touch you again."

"All done." Addison's voice sounded weary, but Charlotte didn't care. She simply sobbed with relief as the woman pulled the torture device out of her.

"Thank you," Sara answered. "Now get out."

Addison gathered her things, cleaned up and headed to the door without another word, when Sara's voice stopped her.

"Give us thirty minutes before you send Cooper in here. Don't even go see him yet. You keep everyone out of here for thirty minutes," she demanded.

"Cooper's here?" Charlotte gasped.

Sara turned to her. "He vouched for me. Don't worry," she reassured her, knowing that last thing Charlotte would want was for him to see her like this, "he's in another part of the hospital cooling off so he doesn't murder someone."

Addison smiled. It was partially true.

"I'll keep everyone away," she answered.

"Thank you." Sara met her eyes then and looked sincerely grateful. And shaken.

After the door closed, Sara fell back against Charlotte with a sigh of exhaustion.

Charlotte just lay there, gasping, trying to recover. Finally she felt alive enough to say, "Now you keep layin' on me like that and I will think you're a lesbian."

With a grin that relaxed her heart Sara shot back, "Shut up, ya ho!"

They both smiled.

Then Sara slid from the bed and made for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," she answred, then stuck her head out the door.

Looking down the hall, she knew exactly who she was looking for, but she wasn't about to leave Charlotte alone. So she hoped he would be around somewhe-

There.

She nodded to the blue guy.

Calmly he walked over.

"What is it?"

"I need an ice cube, three ice packs, a terry hand towel, a lighter, and a surgical glove."

"Why?"

"Just get them," she answered, "and quickly. Thank you. Knock on the door three times when you have them."

She pulled her face back into the room and shut the door before he could see anything else.


	2. Chapter 2

"What was that about?"

"Nothing bad, you'll find out in a minute."

"No one else is coming in here right now," she growled still in shock at the level of pain she'd been put through, and still reeling from the pain itself.

"I know." Sara shrugged and sat down on the bed with a sigh.

Charlotte gave her a lop-sided smile. "So, hey, by the way."

She smiled back. "Hey." She laughed. She sighed again.

"This sucks."

"It does that,indeed." Charlotte agreed.

"Char, if I'd have know," she bit her lips and shook her head imagining what could have only been a horrifically violent scene, "I'd have killed the son-of-a-bitch."

She nodded slowly, saddly. "I know."

"No, I mean it. I'd have knocked his head off with a damn baseball bat."

She was breathing heavier now, angry, clearly furious that she had been needed and wasn't there.

"It's okay."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that crap. I'm your friend, remember? Don't go lying to me now. It is not okay."

Charlotte shruged, so damn tired of everything wishing she could wake up from this nightmare.

"Fine," she answered. "It sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it now."

Sara just glared shaking her head. Charlotte knew she was fighting back tears. Tears of both pain and rage.

There was a knock at the door. Charlotte nearly jumped out of her skin in fear at the sudden noise, while Sara mearly jumped up and rushed to the door.

She opened it a crack to see the doctor in blue who'd tried to get her to leave earlier standing there with his hands full of the supplies she'd asked for.

She reached across the threshold and grabbed them all as if they were candy.

"Hey, wait!" He grabbed her wrist as she was retreating. "Your arm is dripping blood!"

She rolled her eyes and pulled away. "It's fine." Then she closed the door.

Dropping the materials on the nearest cart she noticed Charlotte eyeing her. God her eye looks horrific.

"What?"

"What's all that?"

"Stuff. You'll thank me later."

With that she set to work, first taking the ice cube and using the lighter to melt and round it's edges. That done she quickly popped it into a finger of the glove and tyed the base of the finger into a knot.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Helping you."

Charlotte nodded to the ice finger. "With that?"

Sara walked over to the foot of the bed. "I wouldn't do this if we weren't best friends, Charlotte. I'm not doctor but I promise I'm no pervert either."

Now Charlotte was concerned. "What the hell are you talking about."

"Look this thing is gonna melt in a second and you'll be sorry. You hurting down there?"

A raised eyebrow was her response.

"Are you hurting inside your vagina right now?"

Charlotte snorted. "Is Alabama humid?"

"This will make it stop," she assured her.

"You're gonna put that thing inside me?"

"You can't do it for yourself, and if you tried I'm sure you'd find your stomach feels like it's been hit with a baseball bat, so even if your arms and hands were okay, it's not a good idea to manuever yourself like that."

She was right. Her gut hurt like hell.

She looked off in the distance for a moment before adding, "Wish someone had had the brains to do this for me."

I knew it.

"it's gonna help?"

Sara nodded.

Looking off to the side, Charlotte bent her knees up. "Fine, do it."

Charlotte watched Sara make a face of disgust as she did. She laughed, "You'd make a terrible doctor! You know how many vagina's I've stared at in my lifetime?"

Sara gave an annoyed sigh, pushed the ice cube inside Charlotte and answered, "Maybe I shouldn't be worried about me being the lesbian."

"Shit! That's freezing!" Charlotte yelled.

"it's ice," she deadpanned. "It's gonna burn like hell, but only for a little bit. Do that breathing I showed you."

Sara stepped away then, listening to Charlotte's muffled curses, and grabbed the towel and ice packs.

"You fought the bastard?"

"Didn't do me much good," Charlotte glared, glancing at her arms.

"Then you're gonna need these." She held up the ice packs.

"Bet the outside of your vagina feels like shit too, and from trying to keep your legs closed you've torn your leg muscles. Now if you don't wanna be in even more pain tomorrow, you'll let me put these on you too, while that cube's calming your insides."

Business like, as if she did this every day, Sara pulled the bed sheets up to Charlotte's stomach.

"Put your legs down." Her voice was calm now, caring. "I'm going to put this towel over your groin and between your legs so you won't get frost bit. Then I'll put the ice packs over them.

Draping Charlotte, no longer squeamish now, Sara popped the ice packs to activate them, then gingerly put them in place, saddened to see bruises already forming on Charlotte's thighs. With a thin smile she pulled the sheet back down and patted Char's knee.

"You keep all those in place for fifteen minutes. Then later we'll do it again."

Charlotte let out a breath.

"I see you've done this before."

"I know about injuries," she answered. "How's your bajingo feelin'?"

"My bajigo?" She smiled.

"Yeah I still watch Scrubs, shut up."

"It's feeling better, not so cold now."

"Good," she nodded. "Tell me when you can't feel it anymore."

She nodded, once again feeling so tired. Her eyes blinked closed and she saw his face.

With a start she shook herself.

"So, tell me."

Sara was sitting next to her now, calm.

"Tell you what?"

"About when you were raped."

At least if she kept talking it would keep Charlotte from thinking.

Sara looked away. "I wasn't raped."

"You're a horible liar, you know that?"

She crossed her arms, a dark shadow of a look passing across her face and eyes as she looked through Charlotte.

Charlotte grabbed her friend's hand. "Tell me?" She asked. "Please?"

Sara shifted on the bed. "You don't tell anyone this?"

"That reminds me," Charlotte looked at her seriously. "You don't tell anyone either."

Sara's eyes widened. "They don't know?"

"But for Addison. And it's gonna stay that way. You keep my secret," she wielded, "I keep yours."

"Fine."

"But, I'm not telling you mine yet so don't go thinking it's some slumber party and gonna happen."

Sara just stared at her, and Charlotte could tell she'd hurt her by assuming she'd tell her secret to anyone.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "It's just...it's been a rough day. I have a lot to protect."

Sara sighed deeply then cracked her neck and rubbed her shoulders.

"I think I'm done by the way," Charlotte informed her. "Don't feel it."

Sara rose, pulled the ice cube out, then turned the other ice packs over before throwing away the surgical glove, now only filled with water.

"Feel better?"

"Some. I don't hurt in there now."

She smiled. "That's good."

Charlotte smiled and commented in all honesty. "Good? It feels like heaven right now!"

"Glad I could help."

Sara was uncomfortable, she could tell. But Charlotte, she just had to know.

"Tell me what happened to you, and how you know all these good tricks."

Sara didn't look at her, but she answered. "I fought, like you."

"And I'm not a lesbian-"

"You've been saying that a lot since you got here."

"You're bringing up memories," she replied frankly.

"Like I was saying, "I'm not a lesbian, I don't want girls. But I don't want guys either. Know all those times I told you I just didn't feel like it when you'd try to hook me up with some guy? Or wondered why I didn't go home with the hot guys that asked me?"

Charlotte didn't answer, just waited for Sara to continue.

"After what happened to me, I couldn't stand the thought of a man touching me or being near me ever again. It's like something inside me died."

She thought of Cooper. Knowing she would never tell him. But could she bring herself to sleep with him again as if this had never happened? Charlotte didn't want to say it, but if what her friend was saying was true, she didn't want to end up like her.

She squeezed Sara's hand with her good one.

"Tell me more," she said instead. Releasing her hand, she used her bedsheet to press against the blood still oozing from Sara's forearm.

"Ow," she whispered.

"Sorry."

"I wanted you to hurt me," Sara answered. "Wanted to feel your pain, if I couldn't take it away."

Charlotte nodded, understanding. "Talk," she prodded again. "Or I might let you bleed to death."


	3. Chapter 3

Sara'd been right. Hearing her story didn't make her feel better. And her friend had stalled for time, but was at least thoughtful about it. She'd gotten Charlotte a glass of water with a bendy straw, to cool her parched from screaming throat.

She'd told it, grudgingly, and it was as if she were reading a story. She even started with Once upon a time.

"Are you crazy?"

"What?"

"Once upon a time?" charlotte'd snorted with laughter. "Hell this is a rape story, not a fair tale."

At the word rape, Sara looked like she wanted to hit her. Charlotte wondered how recent her friend's rape had been. While they'd been friends? And she'd not confided in her?

"You wanted me to tell the story," she objected.

"Well fine, tell the story, then."

Resolute, Sara raised her chin and looked off into the distance. Her eyes alternating between looking dead and really angry,

"How you want me to start then? It was a dark and stormy night?"

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Try starting at the beginning."

She'd stopped the flow of blood from Sara's arm, and was slightly, well more than slightly ashamed to see her own teeth marks deep into the flesh. A visual reminder of the fact that she had been weak.

"Quit staring at my bite mark, or I'll tell everyone you're a vampire. Or a canibal."

" You quit stallin'," she retorted. "Cooper's gonna be here any minute-"

"You tell him any of this-" she warned.

"Do I look like Violet Turner?"

"I have no idea who that is."

charlotte sighed aggrivated. "Just open your yap."

So she had, she'd told things. Charlotte learned she'd been smart done 'the good thing' and followed procedure, going to the ER and asking for a rape kit. But with the injuries she'd sustained, she'd needed medical attention, so the ER was the logical place to go.

The attack had occurred when she was just out of college, in a dark parking lot during a sports game, which meant the area she'd been walking through was nearly deserted, and if anyone'd heard her screams, they hadn't assisted.

"When she'd gotten care, and the cops'd shown up, the men had laughed at her in disbelief because the parking lot she'd been attacked in? Was that of a kid's toy store and the men had found this amusing, and hard to believe.

While her friend had sat there, injured in pain, and alone. They'd laughed at her. It made charlotte want to punch someone. Sara was smart, dependable, and though she wasn't a doctor, she was no push over and certainly no fool. No one should have laughed at her truth.

"That rape exam hurt like a bitch," she recalled.

"And after those assholes proved just how seriously they took this...I let them have their evidence, but I knew I wasn't going to testify if anything came up. I gave them the wrong street address. While I wanted that son-of-a-bitch in jail for life, I knew reality. Reality is that they never find the guy, or if they do, trial or no trial...he'd be let out in a number of years and just do it again."

"I know they say they re-hab these losers, but you know like I know people never change. And the people they do nab nine times out of ten they're repeat offenders. What's that tell you?"

Charlotte was grateful for the story, for the distraction, for the emotions that she could put on someone else. "The system sucks."

"right."

"And it's true, when you're on the stand for a rape trial, they talk at you like you're the fucking rapist." She shook her head. "My cousin went through that and told me all about it. You'd think this was a third world country or something. So I wasn't going to do that, put myself through that."

Charlotte nodded. "That's your right."

Sara nodded back and took a shaky breath.

"That's about it. I never told anyone else after, Until you."

Charlotte smiled at her. "Thank you," she whispered. "For telling me."

Sara shrugged a shoulder, but couldn't look her in the eye. "Whatever."

Charlotte nodded again in understanding. There was a reason they were friends, this was one of them. They got each other, and neither one of them was the huggy new-agey tell your feelings type.

"You know in some countries they put the woman in jail if she's raped? Even in this country there are a lot of people that still honestly believe it's the woman's fault. She seduced him. A man can't control himself, n' all that garbadge."

Sara sighed. "The world's a fucked up place."

"Amen to that."

They sat in silence for a moment. Just a moment. But it was long enough for them to hear a slight commotion outside.

"Cooper," Charlotte hissed.

Sara looked at her quickly, to see if she was panicked. To her relief, she wasn't, and wasn't looking like she was trying to fake like she wasn't panicked.

"I don't want him to see me like this," she whispered.

"I can send him away," Sara offered.

Charlotte shook her head. "No, it's fine. Just...just give us a little bit alone."

Sara rose, understanding, then uncharacteristically kissed Charlotte on the forehead.

Charlotte raised an eyebrow and looked at her in mock concern. "Don't you turn lebsian on me now."

Sara smiled back. "Better than being a vampire," she stuck her tongue out, then squeezed Charlotte's good hand.

"How about I go get you some good food, okay? Something that'll be easy on the stomach?"

Charlotte didn't feel hungry in the least but she nodded. "That'd be nice."

"Sure it would be," Sara's words were hollow, and Charlotte knew she understood the words Charlotte didn't want to say. Food sure wasn't going to fix her problems.

"I'll be back in a little bit. You need me before then you holler, or call."

She smiled. She could tell Sara was reluctant to leave her alone or leave her at all, even knowing Cooper would be in right behind her.

"Go on then, I'll be here when you get back."

Sara licked her lips, nodded slowly, and slower still turned and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Charlotte heard the door click closed, and immediately after Sara's voice saying, "Hey Cooper."

And Cooper saying, "Thanks for staying with her while I was...otherwise engaged."

"No problem. I'm doing a food run. I'll be right back."

Even through the door Charlotte could hear the tone of warning in Sara's voice. Warning Cooper not to hurt her, that she'd kill him, and that she'd be back soon to assess any damage he might inflict upon her absence.

She winced. She hoped Sara got back soon. She needed more ice.

I'd ask for reviews, but I guess it really doesn't matter. I'm doing this for me. I'm tired of waking up hearing Charlotte's screams in my ears.


	4. Chapter 4

She was walking down the hall, moving as quickly as possible, happy she now felt more comfortable navigating these halls. Plus, at this time of moring, she'd gotten a much better parking spot.

She had a bag of KFC. Knowing better than Charlotte, and better than her own doctors at the time, she'd also stopped by Walgreens and gotten a stool softener, and an awesome numbing spray up in the marternity ward, saying it was for her sister. As much as Charlotte had screamed, and from what she'd seen on the outside, Sara knew any activity in that area, which included neccessarty bodily functions would be painful. But now, she smiled, less painful. She just had to get Charlotte to eat the mashed potatoes that were laced now with the stood softener.

There'd be no way Charlotte would willingly take it. But from experience she knew charlotte would wish she had. It was for the best.

Rounding the corner, looking ahead toward Charlotte's room, Sara was surprised to see Cooper quckly leaving the room, walking fast down the hall towards her. She met him in the middle of the hall.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

He didn't look at her. "Just...I just need to get some coffee," he answered.

Sara knew Cooper was weird, but now he was just acting crazy. Maybe he'd freaked seeing how awful Charlotte looked. She rolled her eyes. Asshole.

When she heard Charlotte scream, she looked back at him, ready to kill. "What they hell did you do to her?" She demanded.

But with no answer, she bolted, running down the hall to the room.

She wasn't more than a few feet from the door, and hearing Charlotte give a muffled cry of agony, when the man in blue, Pete, she remembered, grabbed her by the shoulders.

"You shouldn't go in there right now."

She looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"Get your hands off me," she hissed, shrugging away from him. Pete stepped away and let her go. Sara was not one of the people Charlotte had specifically named be kept away from the room. He and Sam stood watch in the hall, keep all staff at a respectful and out of ear shot distance. They saw any orderly nurse or doctor in their eyeline at either end of the hall, they simply had to walk towards them, business-like, and they'd get the point and walk away.

Sara pushed the door open and ran inside.

When she saw Charlotte, mid-scream with her mouth steeled closed and some strange woman, Sara dropped the KFC to the ground and rounded on the person clearly trying to murder her best friend.

She was lunging for her, just as Charlotte put up her cast covered arm to stop her forward advance.

Amelia pulled the sinew through, finished with the fifth stitch, and looked at the new person in the room.

"Get the hell away from her!"

"I'm Amelia Sheperd. I'm helping stitch Charlotte back together again."

Charlotte gasped, grateful for even the mometary lull in her pain, allowing Amelia to explain.

"Are you retarded or something? Some medical student?" Sara looked at Charlotte in shock. "Doesn't this moron know you're supposed to numb the area first?"

"She can't have drugs." Amelia stated evenly.

"Are you on crack? Of course she can! This is a painful medical procedure, and you give people meds before you do it. I mean maybe Addison was just stupid or it's not part of the usual routine to give patients pain drugs before a-"

"Sara!" Charlotte snapped.

Sara shut her mouth. But her nostrils flared and her face reddened. She wasn't just angry, she was afraid too.

"I've had stitches," she continued, "and I'm no doctor, but I do know that's what you do, so you go get her drugs, before I kill you."

Amelia sighed. She did not have patience right now.

"Your friend is in NA. She can't have drugs."

"In what?"

"Narcotics annonymous. She's a drug addict."

Sara laughed. "She is not! She drinks, but who doesn't."

"No seriously, she is."

Sara rolled her eyes and looked at Charlotte. "You on drugs right now?"

"No," she answered, not caring that her friend was learning a lot of truths about her today that she'd rather keep under wraps.

"Then she's not a drug addict. And with no narcotics in her system I know you can give her drugs."

She looked at Amelia as if to say, "there ya go, idiot.

"Now get her drugs and quit torturing my friend."

"I'm sorry, it's not as simple as that. When you're a recovering drug addict, as Charlotte is, you cannot take any drugs."

"Any drug addict drugs," Sara answered.

"Any drugs."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" She exploded with rage, long past trying to be civil or reasonable with this woman.

"When someone has a medical need for drugs, and you don't live in the middle of some jungle- you give them to them."

"Not in Charlotte's case."

"This isn't like she's getting a band-aid and here to get a fix! She has a legitimate medical need for drugs!"

"I'm sorry, Charlotte cannot have drugs. She has requested that she not have drugs."

"Then she is fucking crazy! In which case you administer drugs because your patient isn't in her right mind."

"Sara," Charlotte sighed, feeling sorry for the friend who was only trying to protect her, "look-"

"No! You look!" But she had her eyes set on Amelia, not Charlotte.

"So you're telling me that if Charlotte needed fucking heart surgery, you'd just slap her up on the table and not give her drugs. Just what? Tie her to the fucking table like it's the middle ages?"

She was getting louder and shriller by the moment.

Amelia made her point again by saying nothing. So Sara looked at Charlotte, desperate for her to see the insanity of all this.

"You can have drugs," she assured her. "Don't let this stupid med student tell you otherwise. You can have drugs."

Charlotte sighed heavily. "I choose not to," she answered.

Sara's face clouded with hurt and confusion.

She looked at Amelia then. "Your patient is nuts. Slap some anti-psychotics in her. Then give her real drugs and finish stitching her up!"

Sara rounded on Charlotte again. "You are not going to let her just sew you up like some barbarian! I won't let you!"

Looking away from her, Charlotte met Amelia's gaze. "Get Pete in here."

She nodded, and knowing Pete was right outside the door she simply raised her voice and yelled, "Pete, get your skinny butt in here!"

And like magic, he was opening the door and in the room.

"What do you need?" He looked to Charlotte, feeling horrible for her, then to Amelia, wanting to be of help.

Charlotte nodded to him. "You know the situation," she began. "Get Sara out of here. I don't care if you have to pick her up and carry her. You get her out."

Sara looked at her like she'd just slapped her, betrayed her or both. Charlotte knew she was hurt and confused and only wanted to help. It hurt her to have to have her removed like this. But knowing her friend, she'd known she'd have this reaction. She'd just hoped Amelia'd be done before Sara came back with food.

"No!" Sara insisted, pointing to Amelia, and looking at Pete for support.

"You're a doctor, right?"

He nodded.

"Then you do it. You take her place, and give Charlotte drugs like she's supposed to have. This bitch is trying to kill her!"

Pete took a deep breath in through his nose. He and Sam had been hearing Charlotte's muffled screams, then her cries for the past ten minutes. It was painful to listen to.

"I'm sorry. If Charlotte doesn't want drugs, we can't make her take them. This is her choice."

Sara slapped him across the face.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" She screamed.

Sam stepped in the room, as Sara turned to Charlotte again, trying to appeal to her.

"Charlotte stop having so much fucking pride and take the god-damn drugs!"

Her face was red, and tears were rolling down her cheeks.

Charlotte gave her a weak smile and shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Then she nodded to Pete and Sam. This was getting dragged out too long.

"You're going to have to leave now," Sam's voice was calm, gentle. The voice of reason, letting her know that they did not like this any more than she did.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Then we can remove you bodily from this room. You no longer have permission to be in here."

"No!" She screamed, starting to hyper ventilate. "I won't," she gasped, "I won't leave her!"

Pete knew she was telling the truth. The woman would not willingly leave her friend.

"I'm sorry," he nodded to Sam to open the door, and looked back at Charlotte.

"Just so you know, all staff is completely out of ear shot."

Amelia answered for Charlotte. "Thank you."

"I'm not leaving!"

Pete put his hands gently around her shoulders, but could feel from the tension and the sounds of her ragged breaths, she wouldn't go easily.

"I know," he whispered. She'd planted her feet and wouldn't budge.

With a look back at Charlotte who simply nodded at him, he bent over and picked her up, where as expected she screamed and fought, insisting that they were all crazy, and that she wouldn't leave Charlotte.

Out in the hall he put her down, she fought and scratched like a cat to get past him, but it was to no avail, her adrenaline was dying down.

At the sound of Charlotte's cry, she froze for a moment, then fought again to get back in, but said nothing, possibly because she knew that knowing her distress would only upset Charlotte more.

When Charlotte's muffled screams could be heard, Sara screamed, punching Pete, then Sam who stepped in to try and restrain her.

"You can't go in there," Pete repeated. "You can't. You can't help her. Amelia is helping her."

"No! No!" She was crying, her fists connecting with his chest.

At a sudden unmuffled scream from Charlotte, Sara wailed in anguish and sank to the floor, holding her hands over her ears and sobbing.

So Pete sat with her in the middle of the floor, while Sam resumed hallway watch. With a hand to Sara's back, he sat as she rocked and sobbed, her cries of pain echoing Charlotte's, and knowing Charlotte could feel her friend's pain, as well her her friend could feel hers.

He held her, and she sobbed, rocking until it was over. Cooper was nowhere in sight. If this was this hard on Charlotte's friend, he could only imagine what it was doing to Cooper. He didn't know what he'd do if he had to listen to Violet scream like that. Knowing she was in pain and do nothing.


	5. Chapter 5

Sara stood at the closed door, arms crossed over her chest and glared.

The KFC bag was where she's dropped it, about three feet away.

"You summoned?"

She said it with a slight snap of the neck and raised eyebrow.

Charlotte just looked at her. She was too drained to argue or put on a show.

"It's okay for me to be in here now? What do you want now? Is someone gonna like, chop your foot off while I watch? And then I get to hear you say you won't take drugs for that?"

"I'm sorry you don't understand, that this is so difficult for you."

Sara's eyes bulged. She was furious, and Charlotte wasn't even engaging, fighting back. How could she scream at someone who wasn't as pissed as she was?

"I wanna slap you," she growled, glaring intently, still not moving from her spot.

Charlotte shrugged. "Go ahead."

But that only seemed to piss Sara off more.

She glared at her again. "Fuck you." She crouched and made for the KFC bag. Even if the food was cold, it'd still be good, and she was hungry.

"I'd really appreciate it if you could do that ice thing you did before."

Sara cocked her head, biting a biscuit and said mockingly, "Oh, you would, would you? Well how nice."

She walked forward and dropped the bag at the end of the bed, knowing it was well out of Charlotte's reach.

"You're pissed and I get that. I know you only wanted to help me, to protect me."

"Why did you even call me then?" She interuppted. "If you were just going to have these people fuck you up like this?"

His face flashed before her eyes. Without warning Charlotte puked onto the bed. Some puke, mostly dry heaving.

Sara made a face. "Eew," she whispered.

"Thanks," Charlotte croaked.

Sara walked forward and pulled the soiled bed cover away. "Fine," she hissed. "But if you start being a psycho bitch again I am gone."

Charlotte lay back on the pillows. "Done."

Sara balled up the cover, making a face the whole while, and hold the mass at arm's length she walked to the door, opened it and held it out to Pete.

"She puked," she explained as he took the cover from her. Without needing to be asked, Sam walked to get another bed cover.

Pete threw the coverlet into the laundry bin.

"She needs to eat," he told her. "Nothing greasy. I saw that KFC bag."

"I know that," she was defensive again. He knew she didn't like to be reminded of the fact that he, some stranger had seen her crying.

Sam handed Sara another blanket.

"I'm taking care of this," she told them.

She put the blanket down over Charlotte, then sitting next to her opened the KFC bag.

"Cole slaw. Biscuits, Some fried chicken, cuz it's damn good and-"

"Potatoes."

Charlotte grabbed the container and a spoon and without asking or attempting to share, started eating. Just as Sara'd hoped. It wouldn't send her running to the bathroom, it would just make things less painful. Which reminded her, she'd have to show her her stash from the maternity ward. Numbing spray for the 'delicate regions'.

"These potatoes are horrible!"

Sara smiled. "Eat them."

"What'd you put in them?"

"Just shut up and eat them. I won't do your ice thing if you don't."

Charlotte glared, but did as told. She was a little hungry.

"Tea," Sara passed her a glass of tea she'd picked up at Walgreens.

Charlotte took it gratefully and took several gulps- after Sara'd opened the bottle for her.

Sara was attacking the chicken and said, "I'ma it or c."

Charlotte swallowed. "Beg pardon?"

"I'm gonna get your ice," she repeated, after swallowing her food like a civilized person. "Cooper won't be in for a while. I said we needed girl time and a meal together, or I'd cut his eyeballs off."

Charlotte started in on the coleslaw. "You've got a way with words."

Sara was moving to the door again, probably to order supplies from Pete, she realized.

She shrugged. "He knows I don't mean it."

"Cooper's been through a lot tonight," Charlotte reminded her. "Take it easy on him."

Sara's only answer as she opened the door a crack was a shrug, as if to say he's not the one that's been through a lot tonight.

Fifteen minutes later, Charlotte was more relaxed, fed, and iced up. Sara lounged on the bed next to her.

"I wanna go home now," she spoke.

Sara yawned in response. "Sounds good to me."

Charlotte nodded as if this were the expected response, but to be honest she'd worried Sara'd say she needed to stay there.

As if reading her thoughts Sara said, "It's not like you're gonna start bleeding to death or your brain's gonna explode if you leave here, right? I mean, what else can they do for you?" She shrugged to illustrate her point, and Charlotte was glad she didn't say, "what else can they do to you?" though she knew her friend was thinking it.

"You and Coop are both doctors too, so you're good there, right?"

"Right."

Sara smiled at her, and Charlotte felt both happy and relieved. Unlike Addison's response earlier, which fortunately Sara had not been there to witness, Sara only looked at her with love. Not disgust, not with pity. Because she'd been there. She hadn't pushed Charlotte for details, and Charlotte knew she would't.

When she finished thinking about these things she looked at Sara. She was already standing, as if waiting for something.

"I said, do you want me to get Coop?"

She nodded.

"I'll bring my car around." She knew full well Cooper'd been too drunk to drive, and knew Charlotte didn't know. And likely Charlotte'd had her keys stolen.

"I'll park right outside the door," she nodded in the general direction of down the hall to the West entrance doors. She grabbed her purse, almost giddy again.

"And I'll be waiting for you and Cooper there. As soon as you're ready."

She looked at Charlotte and hesitated. "You need me to help you with anything? Getting dressed?" She walked back to her feeling foolish she'd forgotten this.

"No," Charlotte answered firmly. She didn't want even her best friend to see her other injuries. Not right now. Not with all the help she'd already given. And Charlotte was grateful, she truly was.

Sara seemed hesitatant to leave again, doubting Charlotte's ability to clothe herself, but with an insistant nudging nod from Charlotte she left.

It only took moments to find Cooper, who was sitting in the empty lounge.

"You smell like chicken," he forced a tired smile as she walked up.

"Char needs you," she answered, then walked away, keys in hand, without another word.

"You should really have a wheelchair," Pete moved forward towards her as she walked out with Cooper.

She glared at him, wanting nothing but to be gone as fast as possible and for all of them to just disappear. "I walk out of here on my own steam unless I'm in a body-bag or a coma," she shot back.

Cooper held to her arm tightly, supporting her as they walked.

Charlotte breathed through her mouth, not really seeing anything in front of her, but knowing that Cooper's people, now her people, the people she worked with, there standing the halls, like waiting at the finish line.

But all Charlotte could see was him. She felt like she was going to pass out.

She snapped something at the nurses, but had no notion of what she'd said. Whatever it was, it seemed to do the trick. They moved their nosy butts elsewhere.

"Dont let me fall," she told him, feeling fainter with each step. "Just don't let me fall."

Cooper tightened his arm around her. "I won't," he assured her.

She took a slow breath in through her mouth, and tried to focus on the fact that at the end of this hall an through those doors, Sara was waiting. Sara who knew more about her than Addison Montgomery and would not judge her. Sara was comfort, safety.

Charlotte just wanted to get to her.

Gasping from the effort of simply walking down the hall, Charlotte was relieved that when the entrance doors whoosed open she saw Sara's beat up old car right there at their feet, with Sara smiling in the driver's seat and waving like a lunatic.


	6. Chapter 6

Cooper carefully got her into the passenger seat, and Sara was happy about this. Because she wanted Charlotte where she could see her, not alone in the back seat. She knew Cooper was tall and would have prefered the passenger seat, but oh well. Charlotte needed it.

"You can squeeze into the back seat?" She asked him.

He smiled in answer, and nimbly demonstrated the answer.

Sara nodded and put the car in drive as Cooper closed the door behind him.

"Let's get the hell out of here."

Charlotte nodded. "Amen to that."

Sara just smiled and stepped on the gas.

Driving down the road sunrise was creeping up around them. And even without traffic it was a good twenty minute drive back to Cooper's place. Sara hoped she remembered the general area well enough to not ask. After all, she didn't hang out there with Charlotte. She didn't feel welcome. She had hung out with Charlotte at her place, but to do so now? Well, Cooper's place didn't feel like Char's place. Hence why she didn't feel welcome.

Able to see Charlotte's good eye without having to take her eyes off the road- getting them in a wreck now was not a good idea-, Sara noticed that Charlotte was...elsewhere. So she did what a good friend should do- she punched Charlotte in the shoulder.

"Ow! What the hell?"

Sara had both hands back on the wheel by the time Charlotte looked at her.

"It looked like you were thinking," she muttered under her breath.

Charlotte looked away. After a moment she said. "Feel free to do that again, but just pinch me next time."

"No problem."

"Um, sorry I don't really like that idea. I don't know why you just punched my fiancee, but I'm saying I don't want to see anymore of it."

"You won't," Sara answered sweetly.

"She's keeping me from thinking right now, "Charlotte explained. Thinking about what, she wasn't going to say. Let him just think I was robbed.

"ow!"

"Just doing what you said," Sara reminded.

Charlotte sighed. Was this going to happen all the time? Thinking about it? God it was bad enough having to live through it once, she didn't want to have to keep re-living it everytime her eyes closed.

"Hey!" Cooper barked. "What did I tell you?"

"Cooper, I get you're Charlotte's man," Sara's voice was terse, "but-"

"Stop it right now, both of you!" Charlotte's voice was strained and cracked.

"Sorry," she whispered.

Cooper met Sara's eyes in the rearview. "I guess we're all just a little tired," he answered.

Sara nodded, and yawned as she did so.

With those words, Charlotte was suddenly filled with panic. She didn't want to sleep, and she damn it, actually did not want to sleep next to Cooper. That pissed her off because she loved him. But what this asshole had done to her? It made her not want to be touched by him again. By any man.

"Crap, I am turning into Sara," she whispered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," she smiled.

"Take this exit up here," Cooper instructed.

Sara rolled her eyes and sighed in annoyance. "I know how to get to your place Cooper!" she admonished.

Then she looked sidelong at Charlotte.

"I wasn't thinking," she insisted.

Sara rolled her eyes again. "Not that." She gave the tiniest nod of the head back at Cooper, as she pulled into the exit ramp.

I have no idea how to get to Cooper's place, she mouthed.

They both laughed at that.

"I can see you in the mirror, you know," Cooper pipped in.

Charlotte and Sara just laughed again. Cooper smiled. He was worried Charlotte wouldn't be able to do that for a long time.

"Take a left here," he told Sara.

As she did, Charlotte took a deep breath in and let in out. The closer they got to home, the more worried she became. And Sara seemed to have forgotten all about pinching her.

"Here we are!" Cooper sang out. Happier than he could ever recall at being home.

"That's the best entrance?" Sara slowed the car and nodded to an overhang.

"It's the only entrance," Charlotte answered at the same time Cooper said,

"Yes."

"okay well I'm sure this is illegal, but I'm going to just park right in front of the door. Over those multiple yellow no parking lines.

"Not a problem." Cooper assured her.

"Just don't crash the car," Charlotte warned. "I know how you drive."

"Got us here safe enough, didn't I?"

"Safe enough indeed."

With the car parked, she quickly hopped out.

"I'll go clear the way," she called over her shoulder, walking briskly to the door.

Cooper was glad. Knowing Sara, even as little as he admittedly did, he knew that when she saw the doorman inside, she'd tell him what was going on and not to look at Charlotte.

Gingerly, he helped Charlotte out of the car, and closed the door behind her.

Sara was standing holding the door open, and as suspsected Cooper saw Frank, their morning doorman, holding the elevator door for them.

"Morning you three," he greeted them. Frank had originally been a body guard, and was still built like it. But in truth, Frank was gentle as a kitten.

"Miss Charlotte, you get some rest now, hear?"

She smiled at his southernism.

"You all need anything you just call down, all right? You need me to get you anything Miss King, you just let me know."

She smiled again, and didn't mind him seeing her. Not Frank, "I will, and thank you."

He nodded to her. My pleasure, ma'am."

Cooper opened the door and flipped on the lights. Charlotte and Sara followed after him, side by side, Sara holding onto Charlotte's arm and hand.

Charlotte gasped at first, afraid of having some sort of flashback again, but relaxed in relief when she didn't.

"Glad to see your place isn't a total mess," Sara commented.

No one answered that.

"Coop?" She tossed the KFC bag she was still holding at him. Wordlessly he put it in the refrigerator.

They got to the living room and Sara helped Charlotte ease herself onto the couch.

"You should just go lie down, she told her.

She shook her head. "I'm fine," she lied. She was terrified. It would be rude to ask Sara to stay after all she'd already done for her. And technically Cooper should be able to be there for her and help her, but she just didn't want him to. She didn't want to sleep next to him, didn't want to sleep period, but didn't know how to say that.

Sara sank into a chair and sighed loudly. "Well this was a shitty day."

Charlotte just nodded, hearing Cooper's footsteps come up behind her. She was grateful when she felt him standing behind her, instead of trying to sit on the couch next to her.

"Thanks for driving, Sara." He couldn't look at her. He was ashamed that he'd been drunk when Charlotte had needed him.

She just nodded.

Charlotte started to shake, but demanded that her body get control of itself. She had to tell Sara she could go.

"Well," she sighed, "I guess you better get home to bed yourself, or call in to work or something."

Sara shrugged. "That can wait."

Charlotte nodded then felt a stab of panic as Sara immediately stood up and yawned.

Please don't leave me, she prayed.

"Where are you going?" Cooper demanded, watching as Sara walked over to their bedroom as if it were her own home.

She stopped and looked back at Charlotte. "You got an extra pair of pajamas I assume?"

A quavering smile light Charlotte's face. Sara walked back to her, realizing how badly Charlotte had been hoping she'd stay, and helped her to her feet.

Sara then looked at Cooper. "Sorry, but I'll be sleeping in your bed with Charlotte tonight. And though that might be a man's fantasy, you will not be sleeping with us," she informed him. She felt Charlotte relax with relief.

She steered Charlotte to the bedroom. "Let's just get you in here for now where you can at least sit a little easier."

In a moment she stepped back out into the main room. She walked up to Cooper and hissed, "I know you want to help and take care of Charlotte. I get that. But with what she's been through? Because it was a guy that- that robbed her, she's not thinking with her head. And just because you're a guy, even though she loves you...it's just too much right now. She feels too vulnerable. And if you tell her I told you this, you know we'd both die. You know she hates for anyone to think she's anything but a rock. "

He was disappointed, but nodded.

"I know what Charlotte's going through, okay? I've been there. So, just let me steer this for a while, until we're a little more in the clear. Just...take your cues from me. Can you do that? For her?"

He nodded again.

"Charlotte has no idea how hard this is going to hit her, because she's never been attacked before. I have. I know what's going to happen next, and it won't be pretty. But that's why I'm here, okay?"

He nodded again. "I'll take my cues from you," he repeated.

"But could I get the extra pillow and comforter from the closet?"

She nodded as he grabbed her keys.

"I'll move your car for you."

"Thanks. The stuff will be on the couch when you come up."


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay," she sat down next to Charlotte, was who simply sitting starting at the wall.

"I need to pinch you again?" She asked.

Charlotte sighed. "No." The word was a whisper.

"Well then here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna steal your pj's first of all."

Without any directiion from Charlotte Sara rifled through dresser drawers till she found something.

Then without hesitation she began stripping her clothes off in front of Charlotte.

"I don't know what you do at home, but let me tell you the bathrroom is right there," charlotte jabbed a thumb in the given direction.

Sara ignored her, continuing to take her clothes off. Only when she was completely naked did she pull on Charlotte's pj's.

"I thought you said you weren't a lesbian," Charlotte muttered.

"Not. But now we're even."

"Come again?"

"We need to get you out of that outfit."

"I can do that."

"You can not," she answered. "And," Sara held up a hand before Charlotte could interupt, "We need to get you washed."

"I'll do without."

Sara continued as if Charlotte hadn't spoken. "Now I know that you'd probably kill to be able to soak in a nice warm bath, what with the pain you're muscles are in, but that's not what you need. Your muscles need cold, not to mention that cast of yours might pose a problem."

"To say nothing of all my other injuries. Immersion in water is not a good idea. I'll sleep in my clothes."

"Charlotte King, you are going to let me help you. Believe me when I tell you no one wants to go unwashed after what happened to you. Shit, I wanted to shower in bleach."

"Give me some pajamas."

Sara shook her head. "I know you don't want me to be the one doing this, she answered. "And I know after all the stuff today you didn't want done that this is just one more thing, but I promise you, you will feel better after." She paused a moment and whispered, "You don't want...him clinging to you."

She met Charlotte's gaze in silence then.

"Please, let me help you," she whispered the plea.

"You need this, and it's good for you. At least," she tried, "at least let me help you with any spots you can't reach?"

Charlotte looked away and swallowed. "I'm not an invalid."

She gave her a watery smile. "I know that."

Finally, seeing no other choice, she relented with a single nod.

Moments later Sara had a pile of towels, soap and wash clothes on the bed, and a few large basins full of hot water on the floor. Cooper was just walking back into the apartment as she gathered supplies.

"Who's that crazy therapist Cooper's friends with?" She hollered the question to Charlotte.

"Violet!" Charlotte yelled back.

"Thanks, just wondering! Be back in a second!"

"I'm sure as hell not going anywhere." Even though the words weren't loud, Sara still heard them,

She turned to Cooper. "You're going to hate me for this, she whispered, "but you need to go stay at your friends house."

Of course Cooper started to object. Sara held up a hand to stop him.

"I can help Charlotte. But I can't help her if you're here. The last thing she wants is to upset you, so she's gonna act all strong if you're here. But I need her to be vulnerable with me, to feel that she can talk to me if she needs to, or cry or scream or whatever. She will not do any of those things if she knows you're around."

"Please. Help me help her. Stay elsewhere for 24 hours."

"I know I said you could sleep on the couch, but even now I realize that was a bad idea. I'm sorry. Can you drive yourself to Violet's house?"

He nodded, looking over Sara's shoulder at their bedroom.

"You'll call me if you need anything?"

She nodded smiling gently, gratefully at him. "You'll be the first person I call."

He nodded slowly. Then grabbed his keys.

"Can I tell her goodbye?" He asked.

Sara shook her head. "I would but knowing how Charlotte is, if she knew or even suspected why I was sending you away, she'd insist you stay and act like there's nothing wrong. No, it would only make it worse. I'll tell her where you've gone later."

With a long sigh he turned picked up his own keys this time and made his way to the door.

"Now," let's get you out of that, and try not to injure you worse."

As she helped gently peel the clothes off as Charlotte stood supported by the dresser, Sara had to look away when she saw Charlotte's bruises. The ones the gown had covered. She was nearly black and blue from the waste down. With the waist up not looking much better.

"I'm so sorry Charlotte," she breathed.

"Yup," she set her jaw. "Me too."

She held out Charlotte's robe, and helped her into it, with one arm just drapped over Charlotte's shoulder.

"Okay, come over and sit on the bed, again. We'll start at the top and work our way down." She motioned to the towel unfolded on the bed. Charlotte sat and grabbed a wash cloth putting it in the hot water, then tried to start with her face. It wasn't working. Her good arm was on the side of her bad eye and-

"Here, let me do your face, and you can start from the neck down."

Sara carefully dabbed at Charlotte's face. Both eyes were closed, but her lips trembled. Charlotte managed to get to her chest before she started shaking. Sara put Charlotte's face to her own chest, holding her.

"Let me," she offered. Then without looking, and talking the whole while she washed Charlotte's chest, then removing her robe, letting it fall at her hips, her under arms and arms.

"All right, you do your stomach down to your thighs and I'll get the back of your neck and back."

"You don't have any open wounds up here," she commented. "Does the hot wash cloth feel good on your muscles?"

"A little bit." Charlotte's teeth were chattering, but it wasn't from cold.

She put Charlotte's feet in a basin of warm water as she washed Charlotte's legs, kneeling on the floor, insisting Charlotte keep the robe around her so she didn't catch cold.

"Allright, stand up again and we'll finish up."

Charlotte was crying when Sara washed between her legs. Sara put the washcloth with the others, and dried Charlotte off without a word. She knew Charlotte needed to cry, and as much as she hated to hear it, she needed to let her. She knew in no time flat she'd be bottling her emotions back up.

So she let Charlotte sit on the bed and sob, while she pulled out a large shirt of Coopers and some sweat pants, the things that looked the most comfortable. With the scissors she'd nabbed from the kitchen, she cut the seam of the left arm, walked up to the still crying Charlotte, eased her robe off and slipped the shirt on, sliding the slit sleeve easily over Charlotte's cast.

"There we go," she muttered, then knelt again to start putting the sweat pants over Charlotte's feet, and pulling them up her legs. No underwear, Charlotte'd insisted.

"Stand up," she ordered, then pulled the sweat pants up the rest of the way.

"All done." She smiled.

Charlotte gasped. "Can you wash my hair?" Then she broke down in sobs again. Sara stroked her head and kissed it.

"I sure can."

Charlotte tried to calm herself, taking gasping breaths and setting her jaw. Sara held onto her.

"You can keep crying you know," she whispered. "I don't mind, and it's good for you. Otherwise your feelings just get locked into your muscles and they'll start cramping up. And then you'll have to see that voodoo doctor you hate."

She figured now was as good a time as any, so she let out screaming sobs, letting them wrack her body even though it was painful. She was glad Cooper wasn't there to hear her.

_To that effect and so that Charlotte would feel more comfortable and freer to express her emotions, Sara'd lied to her friend. She'd told her Cooper had gone to the store with a long grocery list from her. _

"_He'll be gone for at least an hour," she'd assured her. _

_And whenever Charlotte asked for the time, she'd lied. Saying things like only five minutes had passed when it had been ten or twenty. That way Charlotte was never worried that Cooper would come back and find her in a compromised emotional state. _

_She'd tell her later where Cooper really went._

Cried out finally, Charlotte simply lay back on the bed and moaned in pain. Sara knew it was emotional.

She gave her a few minutes in silence, until Charlotte quieted again, then she spoke up.

"Hope you don't mind if we get your bed a little wet," she smiled.

"I'm just going to put this thing of water just under your head, and kinda swish your head around like it's pasta. And get the top of your head with this cup."

She sat cross legged next to Charlotte. "Sit up a little." When Charlotte did, she scooted closer so that Charlotte's head was resting on her thigh, instead of hanging off the bed. Sara positioned the basin of water next to her leg under Charlotte's head, so that it wouldn't tip.

With a bit of shampoo and more water Sara began.

As she rinsed Charlotte's scalp using the water cup, she commented, "My mom used to wash our hair like this sometimes, when the tub wasn't working."

"My mama was a drug addict. Is a drug addict."

"Well thank you for that random comment," she answered sarcastically. "And stop trying to one up me. Your mama was a drug addict, please. My mama was eaten by a gila monster."

Charlotte burst out laughing. "What?"

"You heard me."

"That's a lizard from Mexico!"

"And?"

"Your mama lives in Philadelphia!"

"So?"

"She lives there now," Charlotte continued as Sara finished rinsing her head clear of shampoo, "that means she's not dead."

"Well fine then, ruin my story why don't you."

"You're crazy."

"Little bit."

She smiled down at Charlotte who was smiling up at her. She knew Charlotte knew what she was trying to do with the nonsense talk, but figured it didn't matter.

"All done. Now if you just sit up against the wall there, I'll put some conditioner in your hair and comb it through to get the tangles out. Not too much so it leaves it greasy."

Charlotte moved again on the bed, carefully, noticing that the sun was fully up now. Sara moved to sit next to her with a conditioner bottle and wide tooth comb. Charlotte realized then she'd planned on washing her hair the whole while. She'd never once had to leave her to get more supplies, or more water. The girl was prepared.

As Sara gingerly combed through her hair she looked at her again.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For helping me."

Sara shrugged as if it were inconsequential. "I'm your friend, it's what we do."

Charlotte squeezed Sara's arm. "Thank you, anyway. Thank you for being here for me."

Finished, Sara put the supllies down on the night stand. "We'll see if you still say that when you wake up." She smiled and straightened the towel around Charlotte's shoulders, then rubbed at her scalp a bit with it, squeazing out any excess dampness or water.

"Not a great job," she admitted, "but passable."

Then she rose from the bed and set to clearning up the supplies, then closing the curtains and turning off the lights.

The bedside light was still on, and she could see Charlotte's look of panic.

"I don't wanna sleep," she insisted.

"Sorry doctor," she emphasized the word, "but you need to."

She shook her head. "Don't wanna."

"Why not?"

Charlotte cast her signature, "are you crazy or stupid, or both? Look at her friend.

"I don't wanna have nightmares. And I don't wanna lie here thinking before falling asleep."

As if ignoring her, Sara pulled the sheets down on the opposite side of Charlotte. "Move over," she ordered, then pulled down the sheets on the other side of the bed.

"Maybe you don't have to sleep, but as long as I'm here you will get in the bed. Didn't get you ready for bed for nothing."

Too physically drained to put up much fight, Charlotte obeyed.

"I'll tell you a story till you fall asleep." Sara offered. "That way you won't have to think, you'll be listening to the story."

She crawled into bed next to Charlotte.

"I'll have nightmares."

"I'll be right here."

"Doesn't mean I won't have nightmares."

She smiled at her. "I will stay awake and watch you sleep. That way I'll be able to tell when you're having a bad dream, if you do," she clarified, "and I'll wake you up."

Charlotte looked skeptical.

Sara didn't say anything else, so finally Charlotte had to speak again.

"You sure?"

"Positive." She lay on her side, ready as said, to watch Charlotte sleep.

"Fine," she agreed. "Start with your story, but nothing corny."

"I'll try my best." She smiled, putting her free hand on the top of Charlotte's head. "Now close your eyes and I'll start."

With a small smile, Charlotte did. Sara turned out the other light and began, "_Once upon a time there was a Gila monster named Shanaynay..."_

"Oh Lord," Charlotte muttered.

"And Shananay's mama had been killed by," she thought for a moment, "The Funky Cold Medina."

Charlotte laughed.

"You better get to sleep fast," Sara warned. "Or this story is gonna get a lot cornier."

"I think I'd rather have the nightmares," Charlotte smiled, but kept her eyes clossed as ordered, her cheeks reddening from supressed laughter.


	8. Chapter 8

I cannot believe that the other two chapters I had didn't load on here. All this time I've been assuming they're published, and they're not even here. They were awesome chapters, too. Especially the one with Cooper. And you know I deleted the files, because I thought they'd published. Sigh. So, this is my best attempt at remembering what this chapter was about. Will take more time with the Cooper chapter following it. Maybe they were both published and you all did see them? Or am I crazy? I swear I thought they'd both loaded. Apologies, folks.

On with the Story!

Despite Sara's best efforts, Charlotte woke up screaming. Then she began crying because even awake she was still trapped in a nightmare.

Sara was upset she hadn't seen the nightmare coming. By the clock, Charlotte'd slept a good three hours without problem.

Charlotte scooted towards her, and Sara held her, gently. "Three hours isn't bad," she told the quivering form that was Charlotte. "But maybe a little more wouldn't hurt."

Charlotte shook her head, and when she looked up, Sara could see her lower lip quivering desperately, her good, non-busted eye wide with need. "Don't want another nightmare!" She bawled the wish, half yelled it.

Sara watched Charlotte silently surveying her body, taking in her appearance and her aches and pains, also realizing that she could only see clearly out of one eye, which only served to remind her that her eye socket was busted, and then the reason why.

"I woke up happy it was only a bad dream," she gasped.

Sara knew the rest without her friend having to say the words. And then I realized it wasn't a dream.

She closed her eyes in pained sympathy, nodding her head with understanding.

"I hoped," she continued then with a choked sob added, "then I realized I had all these damn injuries and hurt so much, and how that happeded. It wasn't a dream or a nightmare, it was real." She shook her head, then winced, and added, "Even with all this it still feels like it can't be real. This can't really be my life."

Sara was touched. This was the most honest, frank disclosure of her true feelings that Charlotte had ever expressed to her. Sara could read her like a book, and knew Charlotte's emotions anyway, but hearing Charlotte say them herself was rare.

Suddenly Charlotte gasped. "Where's Cooper?" She asked, her eyes wide with the fear of him seeing her like this, or the thought of him hearing her cry.

Sara told her the truth. "He's at that friend of his' house."

Charlotte's eyes widened again for a moment, then she relaxed some. Part of her wanted Cooper there to protect her, but the other part didn't want to have to put on a charade for him again, pretending like she was okay. She didn't have the strength, and she sure didn't want him seeing her like this.

"He's probably still sleeping," Sara added, "which is what you should be doing."

Charlotte looked resolute on that issue. So, Sara pushed.

"Your body needs sleep," she told her gently, "your body needs sleep to heal itself."

Sara could see Charlotte's nose and cheeks reddening again and her nostrils flared as if she were going to cry, but she didn't.

"My body was fine," she answered. "Before yesterday."

Sara nodded, already trying to lead Charlotte back onto the bed. "And," she yawned openly, "it will be again."

Charlotte looked at her with her good eye. "Will it?"

Sara shrugged one shoulder, and Charlotte knew the answer. Her body would heal. But would she?

As if in answer that all would be well, eventually, Sara lay back on the bed yawning.

Charlotte winced suddenly, and couldn't help the expression of pain on her face- which also hurt, considering how badly he'd busted up her face.

She glanced at Sara. Sara, for all the insights and eagerness to help, hadn't noticed. She was trying to keep her eyes open, but Charlotte could see she was losing that battle. Which made her feel even worse about what she had to ask, but honestly? She didn't think she had the strength or the pain threshold any longer to do what needed doing.

"Sara?" She mummered.

Sara's eyes didn't open. "Mmm?" She moaned.

Damn it. "I'm sorry, but I'm hurtin' like a whipped horse right now. Could you?"

She watched as Sara forced herself up to sitting and willed her eyes open. She smiled brightly then. "Sure!" Was the perky answer that found it's way from her mouth.

As she headed to the kitchen, Charlotte called after her.  
"You lock the doors?"

"Yes," she called back. Charlotte could hear the freezer door opening.

Charlotte felt terrified, every sound from the now awake world outside was making her jump with fear, literally.

Sara returned with necessary supplies, and within a matter of minutes, Charlotte's pain had subsided- though Sara had nearly had to pack her in ice to make it do so.

When she'd removed the ice packs from her face, Charlotte noticed something was off.

"Where's the mirror?"

Sara looked at her in confusion. "What-"

"Oh," Charlotte cocked her head in annoyance, "don't try to play stupid with me. What the hell'd you do with the mirror on the wall?"

Sara puckered her mouth and looked at Charlotte in a way that said, you're gonna do what I tell you.

"It needed to be cleaned."

Charlotte sighed, feeling defeated. "I look that bad?" She hadn't seen her own reflection once since it'd happened.

Sara shrugged again as if that were an incidental. "You will," she answered frankly, you'll look worse before you get better. But since you're here by yourself and not going anywhere, no one's going to see you. So, she concluded, "it doesn't matter."

That's what you think.

In a glance, Sara knew the silent retort playing in Charlote's head, but chose to ignore it.

"You need to get back to sleep," she told her, "and I'm tired as hell so I'm gonna sleep with you this time."

Clearly not needing an answer as she expected to be obey, Sara set about removing what was left of the ice, and throwing it all in the trash.

Charlotte deployed the same tactic at the hospital. Tell people what to do, don't ask. Always worked for her.

That done, Sara lifted the covers again and crawled in next to Charlotte.

Charlotte resigned herself to the idea of sleeping, or at least lying still until Sara dropped off, when a car horn blared outside.

She yelled, tried to jump up to a seated position, but her injuries made the movement far too painful.

Charlotte grunted in pain, then looking sideways she saw Sara siting up again, looking thoughtful.

Suddenly as if an idea had come to her, Sara jumped up out of bed.

"What you need is something to block out the outside noise some," she explained, looking for Charlotte's stereo. "It's no noise machine, but it'll do the trick. Something else to focus on too," she muttered, switching on the stereo, and pressing the play button.

As familiar music filled the room, Charlotte let out a breath. Damn, she was tired.

Sara climbed back in next to her. "Doors locked," she whispered. "You're safe. You've got that doorman downstairs, and me."

Charlotte gave a wane half smile. Sara settled down next to her, eager for sleep.

Stiffling a cry, Charlotte choked out, "Not so close." The physical closeness suddenly too much for her. She wanted to make a joke again about her friend liking her too much, but she felt Sara move away from her, wordlessly.

Even though she knew her friend must understand some of what she was going through, it still hurt. The thought of having to live like this now, damaged, with Cooper never touching her again...

Try as she might, she was sobbing, again.


	9. Chapter 9

"It just won't stop."

"Huh?"

Charlotte King was lying on the only side she was physically able to, staring straight ahead, as if looking down the road and seeing either a seedy neighborhood, or someone she really didn't like.

Charlotte had been jerked awake in terror. Further horrified by the feeling of weight on her arm, the possibility that it hadn't been a nightmare but also that it wasn't over? That he was still there. And going to rape her- again.

She looked down and felt a wash of relief so strong she nearly started to cry. But her face hurt, so she tried her best not to. What she saw was an arm slung over her body, the way Cooper would sometimes. Holding her in sleep. The idea that it was some man's arm, her rapists' arm had been her first terror stricken thought. Then she saw a small, delicate hand, and that the hand was covered in rings on every single finger. Her rings, she noted, but for the one that Sara always wore.

She wondered when and why Sara had put so many rings on her fingers- then realized it was likely exactly for the reason at the moment, that Charlotte had woken up feeling the weight of another person, and in seeing a hand, an arm, first thought was that it belonged to the man that ravaged her. The rings said as plain as day, this is a woman's arm. And since she hadn't been raped by a woman, the person's weight she felt lying next to her could not be her rapist.

It was a relief. Relief so strong that she started to shake. The fear that had just possessed her, she supposed.

Carefully she lookd over at Sara's sleeping form. She was snoring softly. And, Charlotte saw, wearing rings on all her other fingers too. It was a bizarre thing to think of, but it had proven useful.

Sara was straight-out maternal, that often came across as bossy. But she cared. And when those she cared about were hurting, her nurturing, maternal nature came out in full force.

Before Cooper was in the picture, she remembered the time Sara had moved in to take care of her when she had pnemonia. She'd slept in bed with her, puke bucket at the ready. She'd fed her, cleaned the apartment, done laundry.

Sara'd make a damn good mother. She was a little bit crazy, who in LA wasn't? But she was good people. She'd been there for Charlotte time and again.

Carefully she picked up Sara's arm and let it drop off of her on the bed.

Sara rolled over then.

The snoring kept Charlotte focused on the present. Her rapist wasn't there. She was safe. If anything, Sara's loud snoring would keep any predator at bay.

Charlotte stayed on her side looking out the window thinking that this could not, could not be real. It just couldn't.

She kept blinking hard and shaking her head, but the pain alone said you're not dreaming.

Why the hell did this happen to her?

Why?

God-damn it," she whispered. Then moments later announced to the room at full volume,

"It just won't stop."

"Huh?"

Sara'd woken up, rolled over and sat up to look at Charlotte.

"What?" She asked.

"All this shit," Charlotte glared. "It won't fucking stop."

Sara nodded. "I wish there was something smart I could say, something that would make it better. Some sort of promise that it will get better- but I can't. You're going to feel like shit about this for a long time. It's always going to be there, years from now. Something you'll never be able to forget. Something that's now part of you like your skin is. It's never going away."

"Jesus," she hissed, feeling as if her heart had just been smashed, "you paint a pretty picture."

"I'm just telling it like it is. Some dumb-fucks will say that you can "get over it" and that it goes away. That's bullshit. You can't. It's like someone died. You never get over that. After years it starts to hurt less, but that pain? That never goes away."

She made a scoffing sound that sounded disgusted and angry. "You'll understand what I mean about the death part sometime soon. It's like you died. You start to act different and you never get all the way back to who you were."

Charlotte blinked, her body feeling cold and suddenly heavy.

"And," Sara added as if inspired, "you never ever have to forgive that asshole. Never. I don't care what anyone tells you. You don't. Forgiveness is not a necessary part of healing. If you should forgive anyone? Forgive yourself. Because something happened to you that you have no control over."

Charlotte started to sob. Then she sobbed so hard that she began throwing up. Thankfully Sara had left the empty water basins by the bed. They now served another purpose.

Sara sat silently rubbing Charlotte's back.

Once Charlotte finished coughing, she started crying again and sobbed out, "Don't touch me, please!"

She felt Sara's hand leave her back, gently, silently. She could feel the 'non-judgement' in the movement. That this was okay. That she wasn't offended, that she wasn't hurt. That it wasn't just Sara she didn't want touching her. It wasn't really Sara at all. Telling what she needed was okay.

"I'm here," she whispered. "I will be here with you through this."

Charlotte closed her eyes, her brain finishing her friend's statement as if it knew, "the way no one was there for me". She felt sad for her, but her own mess was just too pressing for the thought to stay long.

"Sara?"

"Yeah."

"Can you get me ice?"

"Yup," she answered. "And while you're icing, I'll get some breakfast or lunch or whatever. You feel like anything in particular?" It occurred to Sara that she had simply been going in auto-pilot, not thinking too hard on what Charlotte wanted, but more what she felt that Charlotte needed.

Charlotte tried to shake her head, but the motion hurt, so she said simply, "No."

Sara gave a weak smile. Charlotte could see she felt badly about this, and that made her angry. She didn't want anyone feeling sorry for her.

"I'll make something that's easy on the stomach," she answered.

Shortly thereafter, Charlotte could smell food cooking in the kitchen. She was grateful for the sensory distraction. The ice covering her body made Charlotte whimper in pain. Having that much ice lying flat on such sensitive parts of the body was like torture. She'd scream, but she wasn't about to give in that much.

"It'll stop hurting," she reminded herself. "It'll stop."

At least the pain of the ice kept her from thinking about what got her here in the first place.


	10. Chapter 10

It'd been a week. Sara had been living with her for an entire week.

Being careful. Helping her heal. Scheduling in home accupuncture appointments. She was trying everything she could think of. Everything possible to distract Charlotte. Everything to take her mind off it. To keep her from thinking, to help her forget. To help her hide from the truth. And it was okay. She wanted to hide. Charlotte King wanted everything but for the truth to be true.

Charlotte was angry. She was livid. Looking at her was like looking at a covered pot of boiling water. And Charlotte King was about to boil over. The sad part was that she was still too injured to have any physical sort of release. Like beating the crap out of a pillow? It would help her emotionally and physically, but as yet it was like asking her to climb Mount Everest.

She was pissed.

So Sara made her write.

"I'm not doin' that hippie, New Age crap," she scowled at her.

"Well, there's not much else you can do. You wanna talk about it," she began

"No."

"We can talk about it," she continued as if Charlotte hadn't spoken. "But what you want to do is kick someone's ass, and you can't right now. You're eaten up with rage, with no way of letting it out. You start screamin' your face is gonna hurt. You start punching things, you're gonna end up back in the hospital getting stitches or a new cast. "

"So," she dropped a book looking notebook in front of Charlotte, "you can write."

"At least write about what you're feeling."

"You're not gonna read it." It was a statement, not a question.

"Not unless you want me to. Which you,"

"Definitely not," she answered.

She'd started Charlotte off with a topic suggestion, "What sucks about this?"

Then left the room.

The loud slashing sounds of a pen to paper let her know that Charlotte was giving the notebook what for.

Sara sat on the couch, eating the remains of breakfast. She planned ahead now, to have Charlotte help her bake some food. It would give her something to do.

A loud shattering startled Sara out of her planning. Rushing to the bedroom she saw Charlotte standing by her dresser, glass everywhere.

Charlotte cheeks were so red they looked almost purple with rage. There were tears in her eyes.

"I see you found the mirror."

She said nothing else, just started to sweep up the glass, hoping Charlotte would speak.

"I wanna rip his face off," she growled. "And do a slow job of removing other things."

Sara grinned and laughed. "I volunteer to assist."

Charlotte smiled back, but it was a hollow smile.

Silence fell again.

Cooly, Charlotte regarded Sara, stooped over, cleaning the mess she'd made and realized aloud,

"It happened to you ten years ago, and you're still messed up."

"I don't want to-" she stopped herself.

Sara paused. "You don't wanna end up like me." Her face was dark, tone sullen and hurt.

"I didn't say that."

"You don't have to."

"Look, my point is that this isn't working. I keep thinking about it."

"It happened." Sara shrugged.

"It's like it keeps happening."

"That happens, too."

"Is this what it's going to be like?" She asked. "Every damn day? I lived through it once, and that was damn over enough. It keeps happening. I feel him touching me. I can smell him," she sneered at if she smelled the man now. "I keep seeing flashes of it, happening over and over again."

'And that's with you here." She emphasized the words. She didn't want to think of how much worse things would be if her friend were not there, usually right next to her, every waking second.

Sara sighed, feeling inadequate, not realizing how Charlotte had meant the statement about her being there. She took it as meaning she was no help at all. That's what it seemed like. Maybe she should be working harder. The truth was she wanted to spare Charlotte the reality that she'd lived. But Charlotte was going through it now. Either alone or with company it was going to happen. It was inevitable.

But Sara'd been fighting it. Hoping that her presence, her forethought would help Charlotte's healing process. But it wasn't enough. She couldn't keep Charlotte from suffering. That had been her sole goal. She was failing.

Charlotte blinked and stared at her.

"There's nothing you can do, is there?"

There was a slight tinge of hope in Charlotte's voice, and that hope hurt Sara like a slap.

When Sara didn't answer, Charlotte added, "Docs usually have that look when there's nothing that can be done. I seen it before."

Sara sighed. "I thought there was. I wish you could just skip this. Get over it."

"You said getting over it isn't realistic."

"It's not, not in the way you think of 'getting over things'. The best you can hope for is maybe to go for a day without thinking about it."

Charlotte's eyes widened like a hurt puppy. Sara wasn't sure if she were about to bawl or start screaming.

She was seeing the horror that her life had turned into. Her new reality. One where this horror never leaves her.

Sara swallowed. No one had prepared her for that. She, like many, had thought that it would go away, eventually would stop thinking about it. And she'd tried to forget. She'd succeeded. For years she kept the memory so suppressed she'd forgotten it even happened. Until one day, when it all came flooding back.

No, she did not want that reality for Charlotte.

"Char," she started.

Charlotte held up a hand- then winced at the movement, hissing in a breath of pain. "Don't."

"Don't tell me that I need to "see someone" or "talk to someone"." She shook her head. "I won't. I'm not going to talk about this. Ever. Never again."

Sara looked down. This is a mistake. But Charlotte wasn't ready to hear that yet. Sara took a deep breath in. Wait. Be patient. Patience was not one of her strong points.

"This son-of-a-bitch ruined my life," she growled.

Sara could tell her the callus, heartless things she'd been told by so-called experts when she'd expressed the same sentiment. They went through her mind, "Don't let someone else control your life. Don't give your rapist that much power. The only person who can make you feel inferior is you, you can choose how you feel, etc.

Or Sara's least favorite, "Look at your rape as a positive. Think of all the positive things that have come of it. Like, for example, if you'd never been raped, you wouldn't have learned what that experience felt like, or how to relate to people who've been sexually abused."

All from certified therapists. Fucking assholes.

So she looked at Charlotte, knowing exactly how her friend felt, how angry, how furious and devestated, and answered her honestly.

"Yup," she answered.

Then she looked over at the phone. She hated to admit that she'd failed. But she knew it was time to call Cooper.


End file.
